The human brain is just fascinating...

When I was younger, one of my first career aspirations - and one that I would go into if I could do it all over again -- was criminal psychology. I remember being 14, 15 years old and thinking that I wanted to interview serial killers. I've sort of always been fascinated with the criminal mind, and the inner workings of what makes a person with a severe criminal dysfunction tick. What are they thinking at that very moment, when there's the defining line between committing a crime -- or turning back. Actually, I've always been drawn towards the processes of the mind in general; as a child I was always reading books and doing my term papers for school on topics such as Parapsychology, Schizophrenia, ESP, Multiple Personality Disorder, etc.

This morning on my way to work, I heard a story about a serial killer from Russia who was recently captured and now going before a jury in his trial. The "Chess Board" Murderer - as he was aptly named because he had hoped to place a coin on each square of a checkerboard to indicate each murder he'd ever committed -- described what murder felt like for him. I've read all sorts of different emotions and causes for why people have killed, ranging from control - to the lack therof - to rage, to sexual erotica -- to emptiness. But he describes it in a way that is so simple - so pure and matter of fact - that it's wildly fascinating: It's like falling in love. He said he killed in order to live; because when he would kill - he would want to live.

They say that eating chocolate releases endorphins that are similar to feeling like when you are falling in love - or have an infatuation. Imagine eating a piece of chocolate, and having that feeling magnified millions of times.
We'd be eating chocolate non stop!!

This is what fascinates me so much. His brain, is clearly wired all wrong. To release endorphins to such a level when doing something that is so utterly reprehensible -- means something is so very broken. There's a big difference between the street thug who's killing people for drug money or gang related instances -- and the person who is broken. And what makes it even more bizarre - is that, does he "get" that he's broken? Clearly, he's criminally sane because he chose to hide his tracks. But does he care? Is he capable of caring about the horror of his acts? Or his is brain wired wrong in that capacity as well, for feeling remorse? Clearly, there's no compassion or guilt - at least not in the moment. But is there in the afterwards? And if so, is it real? Or is it superficial, simulated based upon society and the outward appearances of needing to appear "normal". More than likely so.

I am all for the death penalty - and wish they'd bring it to Massachusetts. But there are some people that I think we should keep alive for research purposes. Not in a prison -- but in a medical facility. Find out how their brain works. See what kind of stimulus triggers chemical reactions and emotions in a person such as this.

The mind is an amazingly complex thing. When you think of when a child is born, and all of the things that could go wrong - we normally tend to think very broadly; healthy organs, ten fingers and toes, and hopefully no debilitating diseases. We don't tend to think and hope for "strong and healthy mind". Because who's thinking about that when it comes to a newborn?

I bet Alexander Picushkin's mother's wasn't thinking of that either when her baby was born in 1974.
That poor, poor woman.