Dr. Meredith Grey: (voiceover) A couple hundred years ago Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that 'til tomorrow, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity; you'd think we'd pay more attention to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear if just of making a decision. Because... What if you're wrong? What if you make a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically... 'The early bird catches the worm. 'A stitch in time saves nine.' 'He who hesitates is lost.' We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time; heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrows rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of not trying.
Never taking "no" for an answer- yet knowing enough when to step away.
At the same time, not always knowing that it's time to give up. That may be a weakness but that's ok. I'm made up of strengths and weaknesses alike and I'm good with that.
I'm not perfect, I don't pretend to be.
But yet I might strive to be.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm a fixer.
Little tolerance for wallowing in self pity or drama. Pick yourself up and shake it off because life is what you make of it. At the same time I'm a nurturer. Hug it out, don't go to bed angry, smile through the pain - it doesn't last forever.
Sometimes I just want to scream. Frustration, anger, hurt.
But the moment passes and I smile again. Because truly, life is beautiful. A gift- and it's far too short. I try my best every day, and there is nothing more I can do than that.
I love my life. And all of those who are in it. And I enjoy every single day, even when they might not go exactly the way I had hoped they would when I opened my eyes in the morning.
And I'm okay with that. Because it's MY life. And it's perfectly imperfect and that's how it should be.
This summer has been pretty laid back and relatively quiet.
I didn't take the kids on nearly any of the adventures I'd hoped for. They were okay with it; I wasn't.
I worked all summer! With the new shop I was working more than I'd anticipated this summer, because we ended up bringing in a component that requires me to deliver fresh food from a third party twice a week. Ugh....
In July, I said to G that we needed to get away. Even if it was a long weekend - we needed to regroup as a family and laugh, and have fun. It's been a tough year for us all with the new store, some deaths in the family, etc - and the 4 of us just needed to have fun with each other. So, we started looking for a beach house. And we looked everywhere from Rhode Island to Maine - everything as I'm sure you'd imagine was already booked. So, we thought maybe we'd take the kids to Disney....? A quick 5 day trip before school. And as we were pontificating this, we got a call from a realtor about a cancellation on a beachfront property - were we interested? Were we interested?! Hell yes we were!
The week that was available was the same week that we had family staying with us for a long weekend, so we told them - and they were psyched because they could join us for 2 days. And of course, we extended the invite to our sisters/sisters in law/brothers/etc - which made for a really fun time! But before we left for the beach - we had a small family reunion at our house. It's been just a crazy busy 8 days of parties for us all... concerts, amusement parks, parties, beach house - does it get any better?
Were we exhausted when we got home? You betcha!
But it was in a great way....and I can't wait to do it again.
Next time though.....it will be a 2 week trip.
Today I got to spend some time with the parents of one of my daughters friends. I really like them, and they invited me to stay a while when I dropped her off for some playtime. It was nice, we were talking about a variety of things; but we definitely focused for a while on temperments and personalities, both of our children and ourselves.
It reminded me of all the different epiphanies I've had over the last 12 years or so; how choosing your battles and "accepting the things you can not change" are some of the hardest things to do sometimes! Realizing that the mantra of "don't sweat the small stuff - it's all small stuff" was true and applying it to my life as often as I could - was no easy task. But it's been well worth it.
Yoga, as I explained to her mom - helped tremendously with that. Not only the physical aspect that allows you to "free your mind, and the rest will follow" -but in the spiritual aspect that yoga brings. It just inspires you to be the best you possible; it's hard to explain that to someone who never practiced because I know that it sounds all cultish - but it's really true. You want to eat better, live better, and just be happier overall.
Will I ever get back to my mat? I certainly hope so. Only time will tell.....
Tonight as I was cleaning up from grilling dinner, I was walking around the yard and just taking it all in. More often than not when I'm home, I'm still running crazy - as most of us moms are: laundry, cooking, cleaning, breaking up arguements - whatever the case may be. It's not often that I'm in my yard alone, let alone not running around.
I really just love our home. I mean, wherever we have lived I've enjoyed because well, it's ours. But I'm really happy with our little slice of quiet. I love listening the the birds sing, and hearing animals like foxes and coyotes late at night when they've caught something or are just calling to each other. We were literally carved out of the woods, and I just find that awesome.
No house is perfection (unless your in the OC or BH - but that's a whole other kind of living!) and there's things that we'd all like to change about the roof over our head. But we really have such a nice lot -- and it's something that while sure we could always find another house - we'd never find another quiet space like this, here in the town we live in.
My kiddies get out of school on Friday.
It's amazing how quickly the last few weeks of school go by; and yet as a child - it feels like it drags on and on and on....
I'm trying to plan their summer so that its a fine balance of activities and louging around. Beach trips, day trips, museum trips - inbetween my working. More play and less work makes Rebecca a happy Mom! That's the mantra for this summer.... I did well last summer but I think once I fill few gaps I've got at the moment, I will have an even better time of it this summer.
We're kicking it all off this Saturday with our favorite farm and their Strawberry Festival. Pick your own, Strawberry shortcakes, arts and crafts - does it get any better than that? Sleepovers, pool parties, and strawberries? That's one heck of a summer celebration.
So, given all the chaos that's been my life lately- I decided to make sure that if I wasn't blogging to keep my happiness afloat- then I'd do it via Instagram. I'd seen other people posting with the #100happydays and so I googled it to see what it was about.
Basically, you just take a minute to capture one image a day that makes you happy and after a while- if you aren't already happy- you'll fall into the habit of being happy more readily. Truth be told I'm typically pretty happy but....sometimes I feel like the odds are stacked against me no matter how hard I try. Of course this is normal and we all feel that way at times- but it's not something I enjoy- and it could be easy to succumb to the "woe is me...." I never will- but still, this little exercise in simple happiness makes it that much easier to keep smiling.
So check it out for yourself: www.100hsppydays.com
This was today's capture: see the purple flowers? They weren't up yesterday but there they were this am. Spring has sprung!
It's been so long since I've posted -- yes, I know. And I'm not done with the blog....just otherwise preoccupied.
I've been sort of running ragged the last few months with opening the 3rd store and the other store - and of course, being Mom in between it all. It's been a crazy time these days, with the store opening coming up and regular life events. Sadly, we've even had a passing in our family in the last week, with my father in law leaving us unexpectedly. Have I had much I could write about? Maybe. But not all of it would've been that light hearted and whimsical commentary that I prefer to babble about.
So I'm going to just write a few pieces of randomness that come to mind.
Carry on, shall we...?
1. James Wood is great at playing a jerk. I'm sitting here watching "John Q" as I'm awaiting "The Following" to come on. I've never seen this before, but as soon as I saw the first 5 minutes I just knew that James Woods' character had to be the bad guy in this. I don't think I've ever seen a movie where he wasn't? He's just got that snide, condescending dickhead (pardon my language!) thing down pat.
2. I think I'm finally getting a seater! Yay, I'm very excited. My lease is up and I think I'm upgrading to the 7 seater version of my SUV. I really need it because with 2 kids, they each want to bring a friend....and then maybe I'm friends with their friend's Mom and we're all going to Fanueil Hall or something. In a 5 seater - my daughter doesn't get to bring a friend. But in the 7 seater....it's a happy day with no fighting or disagreeing. It's all good.....
3. The gourmet shop is coming along.... I'm cautiously optomistic. It's no small money rent district we're in, but I think I've done a good job with inventory outside of gourmet food - more in the realm of cookware, bakeware, wine accessories, etc - that I'm hopeful we'll do well. It's certainly a niche that needs to be filled in the neighborhood, and I've got to be honest - it's looking pretty darn good. There haven't been many setbacks in the respect of permitting or licensing, and we're shooting for an April 10th start date. Staff is hired, stock is in the system - and now the magic of merchandising will begin. I'm so hopeful, that I even think we might be able to take the kids to NYC for a day or two during April vacation.....dare I say it aloud?
4. Life is short, so why not be happy? Life can change in the blink of an eye....the snap of a finger. The turn of wheel. The moment you walk into a doctors office for a test result. So don't waste your time on small stuff....don't hang onto the stupid things, maybe someone doesn't agree with your point of view -- or maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Just remember, there are other people out there struggling with their own troubles -- and that maybe your trouble at that very moment isn't as important as theirs. Just think, if you woke up one day and realized that person wasn't going to be in your life much longer because they were sick - or god forbid - didn't come home one day because someone else didn't pay attention when driving....would it all really matter anyway? Life is too short, too fragile....and the small stuff is just that. So let it go and just smile.....
Today was one of those days that I sensed my mother around me.
It doesn't happen often; actually I rarely feel any semblance of her presence which makes me doubt my hopes in the afterlife.
But today, I did. It started with a song on the radio during my drive in. And then it happened again with a phrase that I said during the day that was hers incarnate.
But the real kicker was when I logged into my Facebook account for a minute. I don't go on often or post hardly ever- but I try to check it every other day or so. Today, my cousin posted photos of my family from waaaay back. The first one that popped up on my news feed was.... My mother. Smiling. Something she rarely did in pictures because she didn't like her teeth.
There's nothing wrong with being someone who smiles at a stranger. There is a strength in kindness, and in happiness. Being happy or kind, is not weak or naive. I always tell my kids, if you're smiling - then people can't help but to smile back at you. It's almost instinctive, infectious even. It's as if smiling is a reflex that we're born with, rather than a learned behaviour.
In some ways, isn't that the truth? We have to actually work at being unhappy or dissatisfied. It's so much easier to smile and make light of things rather than to hang on to the things that make us less than happy. Who wants to hang onto all of that heaviness? That, is work and effort - and almost counterintuitive, never mind counterproductive.
Life gets in the way of our own personal happiness sometimes. It's easy to get jaded and bored; it's easier to be grumpy and go the path of least resistance....give in to being that mouse on a wheel circling mindlessly, endlessly....with no real endstate to speak of. What's there to be happy or excited about when it's the same thing day in and day out....or you feel like nothing is exactly the way you thought it might be.
That's why it's always important to rise above. It's always important to smile - even when you don't feel like it. It's not just for the outward appearance you give to others; but most importantly for youself. Sometimes, if you keep on smiling - you just won't have to work at it so much anymore and then suddenly....you're just happy.
....to unsubscribe.... fa la la la la...la la, la, la.....
Last week I obliterated my inbox.
Erased every email I had.
And this was no epic fail. Oh no, my friends - this was a calculated and precision move on my behalf.
I had not checked my email from the day before Thanksgiving Eve - to the Monday afterwards. That's what, 5 days?
I had 1325 new emails.
Shut the front door!!!!
I'd be getting more and more frustrated over the past few months with emails anyway considering it seems I get more solicitation emails than real ones, and whats really frustrating is that I'm on lists for companies I've never even heard of! And because I get so much junk, spam and solicitation emails, sometimes I miss a real one. I don't know how these companies even get my email account; there must be some sort of list that gets sold, like phone numbers did "back in the day" before the "do not call" rule.
Dear God, I could never have my email linked to my phone like most people do -- the damn thing would run out of charge with all the notification alerts.
So I decided that I am going to start over and with every incoming email I'm making a decision to determine whether I want to unsubscribe or keep them. So far, I haven't kept very many.
Oh, and for the record - out of those 1325 emails, 8 of them were really relevant.
Isn't that obnoxious?
I just hope that the unsubscribe feature truly works. Some of them have the disclaimer of "please allow 48 hours to 14 days for the change to take place...". Really? Do they think we're stupid? It should be an automatic ping to the mail server and be instantaneous. It's not a manual process anymore, so basically these companies are just hoping that people will "forget" that they unsubscribed.
Today was supposed to be the permanent crown day. And it started off pretty good...
But the crown isn't quite right. And because it's a front tooth it's a rather big deal. The photo I'm about to show doesn't look too bad actually but in person you can definitely notice the shape and sizing isn't right.
The best part though is that I get to keep this porcelain crown as my temporary. Usually they take the crown back to the lab but the lab rep who was there was nice enough to not make me have another temporary one made- and truthfully my dentist wasn't prepared to make one. So while this one isn't perfect-- it's far better than what I had.