C'mon you little fighter, no need to get uptighter …C'mon you little fighter, and get back up again

(Everyone, sing along now! “Uh-oh it’s raining again…”)

I’ve sort of alluded to the fact that there’s a lot going on in this girl’s world these days; some of it I’ve shared, some I haven’t. I’ve decided to share something today that I wasn’t going to, partly because the person involved wasn’t openly discussing it – and partly because well, this is my blog and it’s purpose was to be relatively superficial -- and just a fun way to keep up with me and the random silly thoughts that sometimes go through my head. (Who doesn’t need a good laugh every now and then?)

But part of the overwhelming feeling I’ve been experiencing is due to my business venture – some of it to a personal situation that unfortunately I don’t have the ability to help with, or be a part of in anyway – and that’s a frustrating, frightening, irritating and anxious thing for me to accept.

My mom has very recently been diagnosed with Cancer. And I don’t even know what kind, to tell the truth. The doctors don’t know what kind. She's had every test under the sun with no answers.

And yet, they think it is going to be treatable. But again, without a clear cut diagnosis – who knows. They aren’t even sure where it’s originating from.

And no, she is not going to Dana Farber or any facility in Massachusetts much to the dismay of most of our family. My parents moved out of state about 7 years ago. And she is being treated there.

When you’re from Boston, it’s very difficult to hold any amount of esteem in hospitals outside of the state when we have the best in the country here. (Are you kidding, I don’t even trust a local hospital that's south of Boston proper! * No offense to my Quincy and friends from that point on...* I am a North Shore kinda girl, so for minor things, there are a few hospitals near me that will work in a pinch – or are fabulous for giving birth – but when it comes to real medical concerns, there’s nothing that comes close to Boston. “Nuff said.)

She’s starting a very aggressive chemotherapy tomorrow, and it is weighing on my mind very heavily that I can’t be there for support while she and my father go through this. It weighs very heavily that we don’t know specifically the Cancer she’s being treated for (hence the aggressive cocktail being given).

I suppress most of these thoughts during the day, but find myself sometimes really stressed at night when I'm "relaxing", or waking up at night gasping for air because I can’t breathe. And I know this is because I’m feeling helpless and useless; this is my mother, and there’s nothing I can do to help because I’m too far away.

I believe in positive thoughts, positive energy, and I think having a strong support system when going through a struggle such as this is key; I’m concerned for my Mom because she doesn’t have that. She and my father aren’t overtly social so they don’t have many friends there, and with all of their family up here – there arent’ very many people for my Mom to connect with. I don’t know that she’d actually take the time to join a support group of survivors and/or people going through similar struggles. And I firmly believe that is a key component that is missing in the battle she’s about to take on.

She has started an online journal (not a blog) in a Cancer community type website; if anyone has any personal insight or inspiration that they’d like to share with her, let me know and I’ll point you in her direction. I’m not leaving it open for public consumption for obvious reasons.

So, with all of this being said…. thanks for listening. I know there’s lurkers out there who don’t comment but visit – and I appreciate you all taking the time to hear me out on something that goes outside the scope of my favorite brand of mascara or DSW shopping experience. (or gushing about the Captain...like I said, who doesn't need a good laugh now and again?)

Today’s just a day that I’m feeling a bit more down than I typically ever feel. And I think that I’m not being true to myself in this blogging experience by not sharing what’s on my mind for the day. Sure, I could make something up that’s light and funny, but it would probably fall flat. I assure you, the stuff that is typically my world will be back in full force tomorrow.

Because rumor has it…..the sun is going to be shining in Boston once again, and I think that is exactly what the doctor would order for this girl.