Thursday, April 23, 2009

What do you do when it's falling apart, and you knew it was gone from the very start....

I am trying really hard to be patient at the job I’m in.
It’s becoming more, and more difficult to do.

I’ve gotten over the fact that I’m entirely and utterly underutilized. I’ve come to peace with the fact that the politics here are some of the worst I’ve ever seen, anywhere. I get that it’s going to be painfully difficult to get anyone here to fully understand the breadth of my capabilities because no one really wants to let me do anything even remotely resembling the job that I was lured here to do.

But what I cannot come to terms with is the complete and total divide between the “classes” in this organization. Never, in all my years here have I been made to feel as if I was not worthy of being in an organization until now. The divide between Government Civilian and Government Contractor in this particular organization is mind numbing. It’s a constant overtone in the office -- in conversations, as snide comments and jokes – and each time I hear it, it’s like a kick to the stomach for me. I’m one of the few in this office who actually worked in other organizations on base aside from this one, so it’s shocking to me; whereas others haven't, they know no different.

Working for the military has always been a wonderful and gratifying experience; the appreciation and respect that I’ve always been shown by the leadership and co workers in the program offices I’ve been in, has always made me feel proud to be employed and working for the Government. It’s the Government Civilians whom have always sort of had some disdain towards contractors – not the military; at the same time, the organizations I’ve worked within previously always had Civilians who didn’t play that “them/us” kind of game. We were one team – one fight; and some of my best and dear friends on base are part of the Civilian workforce.

But here, in this “new” office – it’s a completely different ball game. I am not looked at with respect, nor treated with any – truth be told. (The caveat to this is that I am treated respectfully on a personal level, it’s on a strictly professional one that I’m referencing here.) I have almost walked out of two meetings now, as a result of the snide comments made – because they aren’t funny. Nor, are they being directed towards me per se – it’s a general mindset towards us all here, and honestly – it sickens me.

At the same time, I understand that I need patience because truly – I’ve got one foot out the door anyway.

So if this business venture for the second store falls through, then I am going to be networking for a change.

Because I’ve definitely given this disappointing transition the old “college try”, and it’s just not working for this girl.


Suzanne said...

Sorry to hear that. What do you do for them? For some reason, I always thought you did graphic design.

Here's to a HUGELY successful second store!

Rebecca said...

Hey Suzanne -- I started off in graphic design back in the day....but now I do Proj. Mgmt of Web Based Applications and Product Management. It's kind of a natural migration from there, but in technical direction rather than art direction. Which, I could do as well - but we don't have Art Directors per se on base.

Thanks for the well wishes. :) I'll be sure to keep you posted! Thinking fun girls nights at the store, for sure! BTW -- yoga, Monday - did Jenn talk to you about it?

Suzanne said...

Yes, Jenn did talk to me about it. But I told her that I absolutely FEAR going there. I've never done yoga and haven't worked out, in ANY way, in eleven years. She insists that I would be fine but I think I might need a more basic class to get started.

Your post today was much more positive. Glad to hear you had a good day! :)

Lloyd L. Corricelli said...

Don't know if you heard but we are taking the exec officer position and making it a contractor position. You'd be very good at that.

Rebecca said...

Hey Lloyd,
How are you? Yes, actually I did hear that - but I believe they are taking a candidate recommended by Ms. Hatcher....

How's it going over there? I hear there's all sorts of moving/shaking going on....

Anonymous said...