It's been one of "those" days.....

It makes it hard to breathe sometimes, when you hear what people say about you when they think you won't be told. Or maybe they know you're going to be told, but they assume the person telling will filter out information. Though it's not something you should focus on, and I always give the best advice on "assume the worst" - it's still rather hard to take at times. Especially when it includes not just you - but those around you. When it's you, you can suck it up and let it roll. Maybe even have a private pity party if you want to. But when it's not just you - it's a harder pill to swallow because your defense mechanisms get triggered. What's even worse, is that what they're saying about you isn't even anything bad....but there mere fact that they have animosity over literally nothing - well, that almost makes it worse. Who spends their life being so angry all the time? It's so much work to be negative....ugh, who wants to put in all that effort?

And yet in some ways, I've fallen victim to that as well....because here I am, feeling like it's difficult to breathe. Which is all anger. And negativity. And frustration. And hurt. And anger.

I'm not looking for sympathy, this isn't a "woe is me" type of thing.....I'm just voicing aloud how I'm feeling, which helps me recognize how foolish it all is. I will not let anyone tear me down. I will not let anyone try to make me feel badly about who I am, where I came from or who I surround myself with. In some ways, I suppose it's an assbackwards compliment since there seems to be a little vying for attention in all of this. But that doesn't make it right. It doesn't make the frustration go away.... but what it does do, is inspire me to keep smiling despite them. And keep running.....and keep doing nice things for other people. That's just who I am and how I'm built.