Thursday, October 13, 2005

She's blonde, perky and presumably dumb.

I work in a predominantly male environment. As a result, I have always worked extra hard to ensure that I'm respected in the work place. And I have had no difficulties doing that. I've got a solid reputation in our community, and I'm looked upon as a "go to" person to get things done. It is with the women, on a purely social level - that I have had difficulties with. One reason being that I'm one of the youngest women in the Squadron, so it's hard to find someone to bond with; I'm also one of the few women in the office that's in a management role - so I think it's difficult since I'm not on the administrative level to be looked upon as a peer. I'm outgoing, and friendly to everyone, and I make small talk here and there - but I know how they feel. It's quite clear.

Up until recently, I've had no friends in the office. And that's fine - I'm not at work to make friends, I have plenty of friends - I'm there to work. But it would be nice to have someone to chit chat with about television the night before, or funny things. (Outside of my development team, I mean. They're great guys - but they're guys!!!) Not too long ago, two of the women in the office befriended me. I felt like one of the "cool kids", you know? So, one night as we were sitting around my dining room table, we were talking "shop". And, they were gossiping. I knew nothing; I never hear anything about anybody because I'm not involved on that level. They thought for sure that I knew all of the stories they were sharing; and they also didn't realize that my existance at work was a relatively lonely one. They thought because I'm very friendly, outgoing and nice to everyone - that everyone bent over backwards to hang out with me, and that they were the last to "come around" and warm up to me. So when I explained that wasn't the case - they opened up and admitted that they didn't like me previously. And it was purely based on my appearance, and my personality.



My personality? They just got through telling me that I'm incredibly nice to everyone...that I'm always upbeat, and complimentary towards others. And that they thought I dressed "cool".


But - put that aside for a moment. They told me that they thought I was a "typical dumb blonde" because of all those "niceties" about me. It wasn't until they actually took the time and spoke to me - that they realized that was the furthest thing from the truth.


I'm aware of this perception, and although I know it exists - I hate it just the same. Women don't face inequality in the work place because of men - we face it because of other women. We aren't judged nearly as harshly by men as we are by women. We don't dress to impress men. We dress to impress women.

But I pick myself up, brush myself off - put my rose colored glasses on - and go on. Because in reality, who does or doesn't "like" a person in the workplace doesn't matter. I don't think about these people the minute I walk out the door. I have a beautiful family that means the world to me; a wonderful circle of friends that I'm blessed to have, a successful business that my husband and I have really groomed and nurtured - and you know what, I'm actually okay with being me.


What more could a girl want? :)

6 comments:

Cheryl said...

People are just amazing. I'm blonde too, with very large, ummm... what word should I use on Rebecca's blog? I'll just say boobs and get it over with. I've found that the combination of those things either works for me or against me out there. But it's kind of sad that it's a factor at all. Guess it kind of helps with "sneak attacks" when people assume you're dumb and find out you're not.

Rebecca said...

Hey Cheryl -
Yes - your being "blessed" is definitely an issue at times. I'm not affected in that area, so I've never personally experienced it - but many of my friends are and have. Perception is everything at times, unfortunately. And the old addage still holds true: You can't judge a book by it's cover.

It IS fun to sometimes play the dumb blonde. Just to mess with 'em! ;)

clew said...

I'm with you, girl! I too am involved in a male-dominated industry (and am not found wanting for curves ;D). But my biggest rubs are with the other women in it! I always figured they were jerks in general from dealing with cheauvanists all day - I myself let that mess roll off my back because pigboys are just dumb - but maybe it is indeed personal.

Lori said...

Good for you! It sounds like you have it all together.

I've been incredibly fortunate to have worked with some fantastic women. Once in awhile when "one of those" slips in, you know that if she is talking about other women, she's also talking about you. I don't go for gossip and people find that out very quickly.

I've also found that if you have to choose one, it's better to be respected than "liked".

bigwhitehat said...

Rebecca, you can't read minds. Stop trying.

Your good looks are intimidating to some. Your go getter personality will put some people off. The things about you that make you unattractive to these women are good things.

Believe me, you don't want friends like these. If they can't get into you, they are more trouble than their worth anyway. The type of person who is put off by your personality is pessimistic and bitter.

DBFrank said...

Can't speak for the ladies, but a lot of men are intimidated by lovely lasses...