Workin' for the man, every night and day...

Picture this.

I go with two co workers to the centralized shredder on base, because we have boxes upon boxes of files to shred. (yes, these are the aforementioned files that seemed to have been inherited to this position that I wasn’t happy to filter through some month’s back.) So, I am not “trained” on how to use the shredder, so my job was sort of just to help them with the boxes and what not. (Might I add, I clearly was not dressed appropriately for any of this.)

One box into it – the shredder stops. Just stops working – and we come to realize that it’s jammed. So, the personnel responsible for it come and determine, oh – it’s not jammed, it’s broken. Only about 60 files might have gotten shredded actually; the remaining 150 or so that were placed in while we thought it was shredding, weren’t shredded at all. Why, you might ask? Well, it seems that this industrial shredder that you have to take a safety class to even be near the machine to use – doesn’t shred paper file folders. Just plain paper only.

You don’t say?

So, we are informed after we started separating the files from the file folders – that the machine is going to be broken for a long time. Something about the service contract, blah, blah, blah. Actually, the girl who works there tried to get the files out herself but she’s not small enough or with long enough arms. Of course the option was suggested for me to go in the shredder because of my petite stature. (Um, did I mention that I wasn’t dressed appropriately for this? Hello, skirt and boots? I’m no way in hell jumping headfirst into the shredder!) Then, they yell at us to start cleaning – “you shred, you clean”. And because all the files were jammed, and were manually removed -- there’s shredded paper everywhere. I mean everywhere…..

I grab a broom and start sweeping. And sweeping. And we’re laughing…..joking – and cleaning it. So as we get the bulk of it up, and I say – “too bad there isn’t a shop vac!”. Well, sure enough there is – a big ol’ industrial shop vac right behind me. So, we plug in in and figure no problem – we’ll have this done in no time.

Except the shop vac doesn’t have any suction.
So now we have a shredder that doesn’t shred paper folders, and a shop vac that doesn’t vaccum up paper.

Isn't it ironic? Dont'cha think?

I swept and swept, and swept. The gentleman who is part of the office that supports the shredder comes in and says “that’s not good enough”.

Really. Really now.
It was cleaner than before we got in there.

Me: “This is a shredding facility, right?
Guy: “Yes.”
Me: “So, can you show me where my paper shreds end and someone else’s begins because I think we swept up not only ours but other people’s shreds as well…”
Guy: “No, I don’t think you did. Look at this….”

And he points to the paper dust in the far right corner of the room that has probably accumulated over years…….

And then directs me to sweep the whole place down and pick up all of the sawdust, in the whole room. I have three words for him running through my head: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

They don’t call me Cinderella for nothing, clearly.

(If only a certain person who wears the number 33 happened to have the glass slipper and swept me away from the dusty, dustmite filled sweeping ….. that would’ve been a fabulous way for the story to end.)

And ugh... I can not wait to take a shower.