Even when it's the right thing to do...it isn't always easy.

So tomorrow I have to have "the talk" with my sitter.
She's going out on maternity leave shortly, and so there's been some struggling with trying to decide what to do when she's out.

Hiring a FT temporary person is not only draining emotionally - it can be expensive too! If I go through the same agency that I used to find my sitter, it will cost me $1200 for a temporary person. If I go through Craig's List, sure it's free - but then I have to really be extra thorough on my choices. And it's not easy to find a temp....full time, no less.

Her mother in law has offered to watch them for me, but she's been less than reliable with regards to watching her own granddaughter who is at my house more often than she's not. (With no costbreak to me, might I add...).

Pre-kindergarten in my town is only part time, as are a few of the other private "pre-schools". So I thought that option was out. But....back in May, a friend referred us to a private preschool that I didn't even know was in town. It's a major industry in the town that has a preschool for it's employees, but also has limited availability for town residents. They have a preschool, a prekindergarten and a kindergarten. But I'm only interested in one year Pre-K. They didn't have any openings for FT at the time we inquired, but now.....they do.

And here's the thing. There's so much uncertainty in my life right now with regards to direction. My job - am I going to stay or not? The business -- will the liquor license come to fruition or not? And if so, then how long after would I be leaving to build and get ready to run the store? I'm not happy with my employment scenario....and now my childcare scenario is up in the air and if there's one area I refuse to have confusion in -- it's my kids.

My town has full time kindergarten and so I think this would be a great way to get her acclaimated to it. And to let this opportunity pass by is foolish. The timing actually works out well given that maternity is happening anyway...and truth be told, given the fact that my daughter has more often than not been a third child at home than the second that she really is -- I think there are some behavioural benefits to this as well.

I really like my sitter, she's a doll. I'm going to feel awful when I tell her, but the truth of the matter is - this is what's best for my family. But even wielding that as my sword, it isn't going to make it any easier....