Monday, July 07, 2008

Sigh...

You know it's funny, I hadn't realized how irritated I am about my work
situation until this morning. I mean, sure it's obvious that I'm not
happy about it - I've certainly mentioned it here often enough; but it
wasn't until I walked into my office and booted up my computer that the
point really hit home.


I sat down, and as I opened my email a flood of thoughts raced through
my mind: "Did I remember to do my time sheet" "Is there anything that
they could possibly call me up and lecture me about", "Oh God, tell me
there's not an email from them in my inbox..." And here's the thing -
of course I did my time sheet. No, there's nothing they could possibly
lecture me about. Thankfully there was no email. But I'm feeling
anxious and bitter and they're making me second guess myself on things
that I don't do incorrectly anyway. That's a ridiculous way to feel!
I'm thirty-something years old, not seventeen; and they're treating me
as if this is my first time working and I'm their "problem employee".


My workplace is entirely aware of what's going on; as a matter of fact
my task lead came over this morning and again apologized for the way I'm
being treated. And while I whole heartedly appreciate the support that
he and everyone else in the office is showing, it sort of just irritates
me even more that it's so obviously something contrived and foolish.
And truly, I don't need it. Last week was just about the straw that
broke the camel's back for me. I walked out of work. I was THAT angry.

As I was driving in this morning, it was gorgeous outside and I thought
to myself "I don't need this. I think I'm going to quit." It felt
good to think it...for a second. Because then I thought it through and
realized while I could do it -- I don't have to stay here -- it wouldn't
be a smart decision. It would be impractical. And I am if nothing
else, practical and pragmatic. And I am NOT a quitter.


Besides, I've got a meeting regarding our Liquor License situation on
July 14th and if all goes well with that - then I may not have to worry
about this much longer.


When the time comes and I do change jobs, whether it's for my own
business venture -- or just to get out from under this company's insane
thumb -- it will be on my terms. I won't have it any other way.

5 comments:

Suldog said...

Chin up, and other self-righteous platitudes :-) Hope your liquor license thing works out for the best!

Mom said...

Rebecca,

You're so much like your Dad in one important aspect....You do things on your own terms and are the better person for it:)Of course she is trying to put you in the position of second guessing yourself and having you feel as though your every move is being scrutinized. Walking out and leaving is what the instigator would like you to do and not doing so, is probably driving her more up the wall, then if you did...That to me is the final justice!! You prove you are much stronger than here, despite her attempts to weaken you, but I know it isn't easy..... and who knows....maybe eventually she will tire of trying and leave you alone? Hopefully, this will be the case. Most situations have a way of working out for the best and I firmly believe that in the long run....they will:)

Rebecca said...

Thanks Suldog & Mom. :)

Yes, success is the best revenge. I've always believed that. And I agree things always work out in the long run.

It's just unfortunate that they're unable to see that they're going to be losing in the long run. LOL, my position won't be backfilled if I leave, the government already said that. I don't know what they think they'll be gaining. The 5 hours a week they see me as a loss on -- will end up being a much longer loss in the long run!

Never mind the fact of the name they're creating for themselves with regards to this. Ugh.

But thanks for the kind words. :)
I'm bucking up.. ;)

Thomas said...

I bet your morning would've been better if the Sox would've won the last two games of the series. :P

Seriously though, Abraham Lincoln once said:

"There are no accidents in my philosophy. Every effect must have its cause. The past is the cause of the present and the present will be the cause of the future. All these are links in the endless chain stretching from the finite to the infinite."

Anyway, hang in there and keep that beast called "perspective" in check.

Big Ben said...

It sucks when you work for people that don't respect you. Luckily I'm in a good place right now!