situation until this morning. I mean, sure it's obvious that I'm not
happy about it - I've certainly mentioned it here often enough; but it
wasn't until I walked into my office and booted up my computer that the
point really hit home.
I sat down, and as I opened my email a flood of thoughts raced through
my mind: "Did I remember to do my time sheet" "Is there anything that
they could possibly call me up and lecture me about", "Oh God, tell me
there's not an email from them in my inbox..." And here's the thing -
of course I did my time sheet. No, there's nothing they could possibly
lecture me about. Thankfully there was no email. But I'm feeling
anxious and bitter and they're making me second guess myself on things
that I don't do incorrectly anyway. That's a ridiculous way to feel!
I'm thirty-something years old, not seventeen; and they're treating me
as if this is my first time working and I'm their "problem employee".
My workplace is entirely aware of what's going on; as a matter of fact
my task lead came over this morning and again apologized for the way I'm
being treated. And while I whole heartedly appreciate the support that
he and everyone else in the office is showing, it sort of just irritates
me even more that it's so obviously something contrived and foolish.
And truly, I don't need it. Last week was just about the straw that
broke the camel's back for me. I walked out of work. I was THAT angry.
As I was driving in this morning, it was gorgeous outside and I thought
to myself "I don't need this. I think I'm going to quit." It felt
good to think it...for a second. Because then I thought it through and
realized while I could do it -- I don't have to stay here -- it wouldn't
be a smart decision. It would be impractical. And I am if nothing
else, practical and pragmatic. And I am NOT a quitter.
Besides, I've got a meeting regarding our Liquor License situation on
July 14th and if all goes well with that - then I may not have to worry
about this much longer.
When the time comes and I do change jobs, whether it's for my own
business venture -- or just to get out from under this company's insane
thumb -- it will be on my terms. I won't have it any other way.