Stewie: Oh my God... It has finally happened, he has become so massive that he collapsed into himself like a neutron star.

Dear Jonathan Papelbon: Shut up and sit down. Better yet, zip it and perform. Try to get out of an inning in under 30 pitches, could you?

Here's the thing - maybe we're spoiled because we saw him at a point in his career where he was amazing. Maybe he was just so good back then, that we're being fooled because now he's just outstanding, which by earlier comparison - looks average.

Listen, he's made no bones that he's all about the Benjamin's and may not necessarily be with the Sox in the future -- so why would he be so concerned about the acquisiton of Wagner? The less than sincere back pedaling that was aired all day and night yesterday was laughable. The truth of the matter is that closers are a different breed; they're like fighter pilots -- crazy, edgy, out of their mind. Pitching wins games, wins championships. Any addition to the staff in any measure is a good one; self preservation, self promotion and all the selfishness should be to the side. There's no "I" in team -- didn't he learn that in Little League? (For the record, I can't think he's all too thrilled with Theo coming out and saying that he's not the "sharpest knife in the drawer".)

Dear Dunkin Donuts: I don't miss you at all. Not even a bit. So little do I miss your terrible tasting coffee -- that I don't even drink coffee during the day on the weekends unless I brew it in my Keurig. (I don't typically travel near a Starbucks on the weekends. Even though I do live in a town that has one, it's on the other side of town and truly -- I don't mind if I don't have one.) I am free from the frustration of wasting my money and though I've already professed my relief -- I felt it worthy to mention it once again.

Dear Wrentham Outlets: You -- I miss dearly. I'm so sorry I have yet to visit you during my "sort of unemployed" period of building the new store. I thought for sure I'd get to; but finances are tight right now and truly -- I can't do it just yet. But I will visit soon....oh yes. I will visit...soon.

Dear Employee at the Store: No offensive, we love you - but please, please -- when a celebrity comes in to shop, please do not announce to everyone in there that there is a celebrity in their midst. Truly, no one likes to feel like they are the center of attention unwittingly -- even, Hollywood celebrities. Trust me. People walk around discreetly and plain for a reason; so as not to attract attention to themselves. Oh, and for the record -- make sure their order is correct. Okay? Yes? Thanks......