Wednesday, April 03, 2013

“Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do… as long as you choose your moments wisely.”

Today it sort of hit me that my Mother's 3 year anniversary of her passing is quickly approaching.

Actually, I spoke about it yesterday - with a sales rep - who's Mom passed away 6 years ago today.  And as a result of thinking about her Mom, I sort of tucked mine away.

I had a dream with her in it, two nights ago.  Which in of itself is really odd, mostly because I don't see people's faces in my dreams.  Except for the ones that she is in.  Which aren't many, truthfully.  This was the 3rd one since she's died.

Rather ironic, in retrospect - since she's been gone 3 years this May.
I hadn't thought of that until this very moment, as I write this.

I didn't think much about my Mom's passing until tonight's dinner.  It was rather impromptu actually; I was supposed to be at basketball practice, and I was planning on making chicken marsala.  But, G didn't pick up the chicken while he was at the store - and my Son was still not feeling well after his stomach bug the other day - and so I turned to my freezer for leftovers.

I'd made beef stew a few months back and froze what was left.  That and some biscuits were the perfect choice for this night, which still has a chill to it - even though Spring is so close we can taste it.

This stew is my Mother's recipe.  Which is actually, my Nana's recipe.  Which was often made by my Auntie Saralee -when I would sleep over her house, when I was little.  My mom made it a bit thicker, as a typical stew would be; my Nana and Auntie Saralee made it a bit thinner, more like a soup.  But I loved it all ways that it was made.  It's quintessential comfort food for me.

And as I was eating my dinner, sitting at the table with G - gazing out into the beautiful woods that are in my backyard and so beautifully seen from my table - I imagine my Mom, Nana and Auntie Saralee sitting together, enjoying a bowl of stew.

And for a moment, I felt sad....truly sad.  I miss my family, the closeness we once had - and I remembered it, and savored it - in each and every bite I took tonight.

1 comment:

Suldog said...

Not easy, of course. I find that, closing in on 20 years, I still find My Dad in quite a few dreams. That you don't have as many concerning your mom is probably a good thing. It probably means you had few unresolved issues when she left. God bless.