Just breathe....

Well, I'd breathe if I could.

A cold has come on full force - and I swear to God few things irritate me more than not being able to breathe through my nose. Especially when I'm baking oatmeal butterscotch cookies or peanutbutter cookies for the kiddies.

It hit me out of the blue and yup, it's a good one.....

Eat it , eat it - get yourself an egg and beat it...

Ugh.
You ever have a week where you just eat horribly?
This is one of those weeks for me.

I've eaten more in the past week that's not good for me - than I typically eat in a year.
It's like I'm in a food rut! Which is so funny because I rarely get like this - but once I start, it's hard to stop. Well, relatively speaking. I'll let it run it's course for like, a week.
(No, it's not hormonal... I hear what you're thinking!)

I was literally sore to the touch today because of all the sodium I consumed yesterday. But you know, truthfully - the problem is I eat so good all the time, when I stray - wow, do I pay for it.

That's okay. Come next week, my broken and practically shorn toe should be feeling better and I can go back to yoga three times a week.

Everyone deserves a little food vacation, right?

Would that be boring....or just one boring life....

The other night, I started reading some of my older posts from the first year I started blogging.

What I found most interesting is that without having an office environment in my day to day life -- my life has so much less to rant about. Which is a great thing - but at the same time, makes me feel relatively boring in comparison.

I mean, don't get me wrong - I could rant plenty about staffing or customers -- but I actually like them so it's not really worth the rant. I have total satisfaction with my job, I generally like my staff -- and I truly love my customers. Love sounds like a strange word, but I have regulars that I look forward to seeing every day. Some are little loco and funny; others are just great people -and it feels like my circle of friends has increased with some of them.

So I apologize if I've been less than entertaining this year; at the same time, despite some not so great events in life - I'm pretty happy. And I don't think that necesarily equates to boring...

You know you're getting old when....

You suddenly have acid reflux -- when you've never, ever - ever - had it before.
(And just what causes it, anyway???)

You no longer can have anything less than 7 hours sleep.
(Where did the days go of working on practically fumes?)

Sure, there are probably more signs - but for now, these are the only ones that are making sure they rear their ugly little heads just to reinforce the fact that in a few short months, I will be departing my Thirty-Somethings.

I may not be happy about it. But I will hold my head up high.

So long as I don't have this reflux thing going on. Truly, it's a pain in my.... throat.

...and a partridge in a pear tree.

I need a haircut so bad. It's embarrassing actually.
It's too long to wear down and it's so out of shape that even a pony tail looks terrible.
I broke a nail re-arranging Princess Petunia's room last night.
I'm just a mess.

Which is why I'm really looking forward to the week being over. After New Year's, life settles down into something resembling a bit more normal. I can get my hair cut, my nails done and....I can go to Wrentham!! (Insert choirs of angels singing and rays of sunlight HERE.) I got from one of my girlfriends a gift card to Sephora and I can not wait to use it! (Ah, to have my Cargo Texas Lash mascara and Lip Fusion!!! I've missed you both so much!) I also received a an AMEX card from my aunt which I will happily use at the aforementioned Wrentham (angels singing again) to buy something for each of us -- and I will gladly stop in at all my favorite shops to do a little indulging on myself, gift card aside. Practical indulgence I'll call it -- because I'll not buy a purse or something frivolous - it will be things I truly need.

And this girl, can not wait!!!

C'mon you little fighter, no need to get uptighter …C'mon you little fighter, and get back up again

(Everyone, sing along now! “Uh-oh it’s raining again…”)

I’ve sort of alluded to the fact that there’s a lot going on in this girl’s world these days; some of it I’ve shared, some I haven’t. I’ve decided to share something today that I wasn’t going to, partly because the person involved wasn’t openly discussing it – and partly because well, this is my blog and it’s purpose was to be relatively superficial -- and just a fun way to keep up with me and the random silly thoughts that sometimes go through my head. (Who doesn’t need a good laugh every now and then?)

But part of the overwhelming feeling I’ve been experiencing is due to my business venture – some of it to a personal situation that unfortunately I don’t have the ability to help with, or be a part of in anyway – and that’s a frustrating, frightening, irritating and anxious thing for me to accept.

My mom has very recently been diagnosed with Cancer. And I don’t even know what kind, to tell the truth. The doctors don’t know what kind. She's had every test under the sun with no answers.

And yet, they think it is going to be treatable. But again, without a clear cut diagnosis – who knows. They aren’t even sure where it’s originating from.

And no, she is not going to Dana Farber or any facility in Massachusetts much to the dismay of most of our family. My parents moved out of state about 7 years ago. And she is being treated there.

When you’re from Boston, it’s very difficult to hold any amount of esteem in hospitals outside of the state when we have the best in the country here. (Are you kidding, I don’t even trust a local hospital that's south of Boston proper! * No offense to my Quincy and friends from that point on...* I am a North Shore kinda girl, so for minor things, there are a few hospitals near me that will work in a pinch – or are fabulous for giving birth – but when it comes to real medical concerns, there’s nothing that comes close to Boston. “Nuff said.)

She’s starting a very aggressive chemotherapy tomorrow, and it is weighing on my mind very heavily that I can’t be there for support while she and my father go through this. It weighs very heavily that we don’t know specifically the Cancer she’s being treated for (hence the aggressive cocktail being given).

I suppress most of these thoughts during the day, but find myself sometimes really stressed at night when I'm "relaxing", or waking up at night gasping for air because I can’t breathe. And I know this is because I’m feeling helpless and useless; this is my mother, and there’s nothing I can do to help because I’m too far away.

I believe in positive thoughts, positive energy, and I think having a strong support system when going through a struggle such as this is key; I’m concerned for my Mom because she doesn’t have that. She and my father aren’t overtly social so they don’t have many friends there, and with all of their family up here – there arent’ very many people for my Mom to connect with. I don’t know that she’d actually take the time to join a support group of survivors and/or people going through similar struggles. And I firmly believe that is a key component that is missing in the battle she’s about to take on.

She has started an online journal (not a blog) in a Cancer community type website; if anyone has any personal insight or inspiration that they’d like to share with her, let me know and I’ll point you in her direction. I’m not leaving it open for public consumption for obvious reasons.

So, with all of this being said…. thanks for listening. I know there’s lurkers out there who don’t comment but visit – and I appreciate you all taking the time to hear me out on something that goes outside the scope of my favorite brand of mascara or DSW shopping experience. (or gushing about the Captain...like I said, who doesn't need a good laugh now and again?)

Today’s just a day that I’m feeling a bit more down than I typically ever feel. And I think that I’m not being true to myself in this blogging experience by not sharing what’s on my mind for the day. Sure, I could make something up that’s light and funny, but it would probably fall flat. I assure you, the stuff that is typically my world will be back in full force tomorrow.

Because rumor has it…..the sun is going to be shining in Boston once again, and I think that is exactly what the doctor would order for this girl.

I'm sick and tired... of being sick and tired...

This has got to have been the worst cold and flu season on record, ever.
At least in this girl’s life.

I’m sick…again. Again?!?!
One would think, after the three hour yoga marathon on Saturday, in a 130 degree room – doing 108 Sun A & Sun B Salutations in addition to other vinyasas (do the math on how many pushups that constitutes, my triceps are alive!) – I would be as healthy as a horse! One would think…

It hit me like a brick wall yesterday after dinner. I’ve been fighting this since Friday, and around 4:30 in the afternoon – I lost the battle. (But not before eating a nice slice of the prettiest Easter cake I’ve seen….yum.)
Really, I’m sick of being sick.

So tonight, after my son’s soccer practice I am going to high tail it to the clinic around the corner from me and see the doctor who I’m sure is going to say I need an antibiotic of some sort. I’ve been going back and forth with this since the weekend I had my knee scoped. Nine weeks ago already. Um, hello… clearly, I’m not going to be able to fight this one off on my own, but I’ve given it one hell of a shot.

I’m almost glad the Sox are in Oakland playing a night game. I don’t have it in me today to stay up and try to watch them; and truthfully, it might be some additional good medicine to wake up in the morning and learn of a victory needed in the Nation.

I try to keep my cool, thus, that's what I try to do but...it's so hard dealing with people like you...

I’m an event driven personality.
I don’t “wake up in a bad mood”. I wake up the same every day, and generally in a good mood (though quiet at first) until something happens to alter my reality. Not very much generally happens, so it’s suffice to say I’m quite often in pleasant spirits most of the time.

Others, are mood driven personalities.
They tend to “wake up on the wrong side of the bed”, or are snippy because they’re irritated about something. If there’s something going on in their life that isn’t quite right, they just don’t know how to filter their attitude when dealing with other people.

It’s the mood driven personality types that sometimes create situations that make this girl not so happy. (Or want to reach out and shake them. Yell a little bit. Just sayin'...)

I try really hard not to let those days affect my own perspective and outlook on the day, and more often than not -- I’m relatively successful at that.
Today, I’m struggling with it.

I’m not mad. I’m not sad.
I’m irritated.

I think I need to indulge in a little bit of Reeses….it's my quicker picker upper!
And it's been far too long since I've had any.

(Watching replay after replay of Jason’s at bats from last night might help a bit too…!)

"I thought I heard your voice yesterday..."

I don't think I've ever taken this much time off of writing here. Unless I was on vacation - then I may have taken a week. But to be home and not write? That my friends, is unheard of.

However, I am working at home this week and that is something that as a result of my being on crutches and being unable to just run and do things that I need to around the house, it's much more time consuming than I had anticipated. See, my work laptop is not wireless; the office I work for doesn't approve of them so I have to have it plugged into my router - which is on the second floor. Now if I go downstairs to make a cup of coffee, and start carrying it upstairs (which is quite the chore with crutches might I add...) and realize that I forgot a napkin to bring with me (one never has a cup of coffee without a napkin. What if it spills..?) it's a relatively big ordeal. Because I can't just turn around and go get it. No, I have to finish my walk to my desk and put the coffee down, and then venture back to go downstairs to get it.

However, this does make for a very active day. I am by no means just sitting around all day. I am still keeping up with the house and laundry, albeit at a slower pace. Truthfully, it really hasn't afforded me many topics to blog about. But today, I may have enough to share outside of the vague ramblings that I have hopefully just entertained you (someone, anyone?) with.

1. The Dodgers say they will continue their pursuit of Manny. Well isn't he the stud playing hard to get. You have got to be kidding me.

2. Kelly Ripa is my new body idol. Okay, I know that sounds crazy - we all see her in the magazines and she's obscenely thin. But today for the first time in about a year, I actually caught a glimpse of her onscreen doing the "Regis & Kelly" show, and she looked amazing. Her arms were jacked. Not skinny, but ripped and strong - and her face did not look gaunt. She looked fabulous. Once I'm cleared to work out again, this girl is going to have that girls' upper body in mind. Her legs, well - I have decent legs of my own, I'll keep them. My arms are okay too - but the goal is to try to acquire a look similar to her guns.

3. Over the weekend, I actually had to sit still and not move which allowed me to watch some shows I'd never seen before and now love. HGTV is my new best friend. So now, when annoying Rachel Ray comes on Food TV, I can just watch House Hunters or Design by Color - or maybe just rewatch over and over again the dream home in Sonoma that I've been trying to win. Good stuff...

4. Not only have I not blogged - but I have not read blogs either. One would think that with all that time over the weekend and working at home that I would; but truthfully, I had wonderful friends visit me over the weekend incase I needed help (or company to watch tv with); and as I mentioned, working from home I'm busier and doing more than if I was working at work so social interaction doesn't come into play, except for the occasional Facebook posting. So, after I post this I am off to read some of my very favorites. I feel so out of the loop.

5. I haven't been all that hungry since the surgery. I know that has nothing to do with anything outside of coincidence. However when I do eat - it's been in complete indulgence -- things that I haven't eaten in years - or try not to eat in general. (Um, note to self: smoked cheddar popcorn is a bad, bad thing. I'm almost ashamed of myself, eating the whole oversized bag. Yes, that is one move I will definitely regret in the morning.....). I did just mention the whole Kelly Ripa body idol thing, right? Right....

Hope to have far more exciting and interesting thoughts for tomorrow.
Until next time....

So this whole knee injury is irritating me a bit.....

Both literally - and figuratively.

Physical therapy has been working, I definitely have better mobility and my knee straightens better but still locks and won't completely straighten. And it's still so sore to the touch in some places.

The therapist toggles back and forth between it being a torn meniscus, a strained meniscus, a bone bruise, and luxation of my patella - which he said he can feel a rub in my knee which goes with the meniscus, but also - the luxation when I use the bike.

All I know is -- I want it fixed. PT is doing good things as far as mobility but the discomfort -- so not close to going away. It keeps me up at night often because I can't sleep on my sides - the knees pressing together is uncomfortable. I can't lay on my back for long because my leg doesn't lay completely flat -- and if I lay on my stomach, the pressure on my knee face down is bothersome as well.

My follow up with the ortho is on the 18th, and I'm pretty sure that the therapist is going to recommend at minimum a scoping to see what's going on in there if this doesn't let up.

At this point, I'm good with that. Because it's entirely interfering in my life.

I miss yoga....sigh.

Things come in 3's....

I think I need to mark the calendar as today being a day of change. But just not sure that it will be change for the best…

1. Today there is a teleconference with my company and the prime contractor here about what is being done to me. I’m nervous and edgey about it because not only do I not like what’s happening -- it’s just not a good feeling to know that there is someone having to go to bat for you over something. It’s great to know that someone is willing to do that for you – but it’s an awful feeling when it’s unnecessary. As I was told this morning, it just seems that they’re trying to make me so uncomfortable that I’ll just quit. And while I know what they’re doing is harassment, I just hope there’s no backlash from the conversation that’s held today.

2. My sitter this morning showed up, and announced that she has a doctors appointment this morning because she’s bleeding. Okay, for those of you who are guys and get squeamish about this, well – you may want to skip this paragraph. The only thing I can think of that would cause bleeding at this juncture would be either placenta previa or placenta abruptio. Either way – she’ll be on bedrest. Which given the current scenario I’m in with my psycho company – can’t really go well. Now, at risk of sounding selfish – because truly, I don’t want her to be uncomfortable by any stretch, or have the baby at risk – but this is going to really screw me. Oh, and did I mention that today is my son’s first day of soccer camp, and if she’s not back by 1pm, I’ll have to pick him up from camp and potentially get my daughter from her in Manchester NH. I’m fortunate that in 7 years, I’ve only run into baby sitter emergencies once or twice, but truly – these are the times that it really irritates me that I don’t have grandparents to help out.

3. Tonight is the public meeting regarding a liquor license that we’ve been trying to acquire – that is trying to be transferred to a gas station. If tonight’s meeting goes well then the transfer will be declined and we will have the opportunity (hopefully) to put in an application for the license. In which case, I can deal with whatever crap the psycho company gives me. If it doesn’t, then…..it’s back to the drawing board once again.

Everything happens for a reason. I know this…and I’m thinking it over and over. And truthfully, there are far worse situations I could be in at the moment. It’s just that I’m a very structured and controlled kind of person and I sort of feel that everything is in a state of flux and I can’t really control which path I need to or am able to go down. If just one of the above named scenarios gets a resolution today, it will help.

Right about now, I welcome any and all uplifting thoughts…

What's cookin' for the weekend??

You know, every Friday I’m glad it’s here --- but for some reason, today I am exceptionally happy that the work week is over. I’m really tired (more on that later!), and a little cranky actually. I’d call today, “Fussy Friday” – that would be a good nickname of the day. I’m a little cranky because I get frustrated at times when good and happy and exciting things go on, and without fail – there can’t be a little drama that goes along with it. That sort of makes me feel….sad, I guess. But it will pass – both the drama, and my feelings about it – because it’s truly not anything for anyone to be upset over.

Especially when there’s so many other good things going on in life! Like a new addition to the family….!! I can’t wait to see my new little nephew who was born earlier this week. I’d have loved to have gone and seen him before he came home, but unfortunately with my work situation as it is -- it’s not as if I can take time off during the day; and my sister in law has been very tired at night so it makes more sense to go see her over the weekend. I am so looking forward to seeing them both. It’s been so long since I’ve held a little baby… sigh. So that’s the fun planned for the end of the weekend….

Rewind to last night. We went to dinner in the North End at Lucca’s. It was….phenomenal. The food was outstanding. The service? That’s a different story…but the funny part about that, is that not having a good seat or good service led to a lot of funny stories that we’ll get to look back and laugh on. And it all turned out well in the end, especially since we had an unexpected guest who lives in the North End come join us at the table and spend the evening with us as well – it was just a really good time overall. And I really can’t say enough about the food. It’s pricey – but worth it. I’d suggest only having one drink with dinner and save the desserts and coffees for one of the cafes. (ooh, or Lulu’s Cupcakes, directly across the street -- whom I love, love, love!!!) Because the bar tab cost as much – if not more – than the meal! But for the meal, it was well worth it. And though I’m suggesting hitting a café or elsewhere for dolci – their flourless chocolate cake was in a word – unbelievable.

Tonight I have yoga after work, which I can’t stress enough how much I’m looking forward to. It’s been far too long –and it is so cold in work today, I can’t wait to get into a hot room and sweat. Then, my son has his last baseball game of the season and cookout. It’s a makeup game from one day that was rained out so…. that should be fun. Tomorrow we have a birthday party that’s a pool party, so fingers crossed that the sun cooperates…

Have a lovely weekend, whatever you may be doing!

Ah, but only in the magic of movies....

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed in fairy tales and princes, magic kingdoms and happily ever after.

But then she grew up, and became an adult; complete with the reality of the world, and all that lies within.

Wherever did the fairies with their pixie dust go, with their promises to make life happy and beautiful?

It was only then that she took a long hard look at life, and realized that Prince Charming belonged to the same land that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny live in.

(However, this modern day and jaded Cinderella that we speak of -- most definitely believes in Santa Claus!)